I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize