Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
