Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
