Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
