I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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