I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
