Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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