Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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