I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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