You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
