I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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