Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They took my balls.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
