ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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