Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
