I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
