At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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