he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
