I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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