I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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