some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
