then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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