I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
