is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
