All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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