Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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