Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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