When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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