SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
