It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Floor bacon is actually really good
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
