I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
