Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
