just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You're a waste of cheezeits
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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