I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
