Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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