Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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