so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
