We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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