Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
