Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
