my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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