$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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