everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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