These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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