K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
