I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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