like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
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i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
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When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for