When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.