never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.