Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously