Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again