U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.