i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
