I think I won the penis lottery.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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