Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
