I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
