Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
