I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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