who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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