Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
