so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dick very happy bro
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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