i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
