I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
