I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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