Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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