I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
