I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
