Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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