dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
3pm strippers are depressing
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
