the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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