how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
