I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
