Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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