I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
