So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
