i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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